These are my confessions

disappointment and regret collide

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 04:51:39 GMT

why is that we can only be happy for other people when we are happy for ourselves?
i cant be happy that youve moved on until i know i have too.
it sounds like a selfish thing. you are only allowed to be content when i am.

There's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all
And here i rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night

bipolar? sometimes i wonder....
change of mood so quickly doesnt feel normal. changes in thoughts and feelings. feels unnatural.

no matter how good things get i always think about the things that didnt work out. its like a curse. everything now is fine yet i still wonder why i fucked everything else up. it doesnt matter now or at least i dont think it does. love. what is that anyways. ive said it a million times to a few different people and each time is different. how do i know what i feel is love? what if i just think its love. because as soon as you break up with someone you say "oh i didnt REALLY love them i just thought i did" what if love if just what we think we are supposed to feel because halmark tells us too. what if its not a real emotion at all. i want to believe this time its real but next year will i agree? next week? next month? what if this time isnt the real love and when its over i say "nope that wasnt it either" but i keep fooling myself into believing this time to be different

ive never been more confused. the same situations. different people. is everyone this fucked up inside??

why cant i just be sober? life used to be easy. life used to make me happy just living. recess and show and tell. now its drugs and alcohol. when did that change? why did it change?
i feel so used up inside i dont even know if i have enough to give.

sup bitches

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 19:33:15 GMT

this is all that matters

loveit

666

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 05:05:29 GMT

so someone should just shoot me now and get it over with.....

I KNOW YOU ALL WANT TO

guess what andrea has

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 23:34:10 GMT

The consequences of the illness can be devastating, and may include marital break-ups, unemployment, alcohol and drug abuse. Bipolar illness is often complicated by co-occurring alcohol or substance abuse. Without effective treatment, bipolar illness leads to suicide in nearly 20% of cases.

get real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 22:06:01 GMT

you are so fucking fake its pathetic.
you try SOOO fucking hard to impress every human you meet. its rediculous. its like being yourself is so fucking boring that you have to make up this whole persona you think people admire. you are so tough and original and fucking slutty. its all a big lie. a character. and you want to talk shit about me?? at least the things you say are TRUE. the REAL me. i have my faults but they are mine, not some made up story that i wish was me.
you are so worthless. and you know it. deep down you know how fucking worthless you really are. keep pretending, sweetheart. god forbid people find out how unoriginal you REALLY are.

brutal. not really. fucking loser.

everyday is a winding road?

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 20:25:16 GMT

so if you plan on building a bridge with me anytime soon, dont.
and if you already have, im sorry. watch out for the fire.

plus i wish rose petals came out of my shirt when i take it off.

touch and be touched.

i dont know if i will everrrrrrrrrr feel anything like THAT again.
i know everyone thinks that at some point in their lives. but really. it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and i blew it.
a long time ago. but still it affects me to this day. or is it effects. its effects. right?

im back bitches

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 23:47:39 GMT

i dont wrestle. i fucking beat bitches up.

ok at least in my head i do.

fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you PRETTY BOY

flavor flave

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 00:12:45 GMT

i got a new digital camera today. yum
AND i got fingered by my doctor.
and i turned in my cosmetology papers so i should have my license in a month. yes

i havent been drunk in a long time. i miss it. a little.
i also miss vanessa. i have not seen her in way too long.

my mom just left town. it was good having her here. she cleaned my whole apartment. bought me groceries. took me shopping. made me dinner. did all my dishes. shes the best mommy ever.

i dont want to forget how your voice sounds

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 07:23:50 GMT

i got a cell phone finally. call me or something. 678-9198

i move into my apartment tomorrow. all by myself.
ANNND i bought tons of cute stuff at ikea for my place. its going to be white, red, and black. charlie spent like $60 on me yesterday for my place. he is too sweet. and he has already made lots of artwork for my living room. i heart him a lot.

oh and one more thing: cum girl im trying to get your pussy wet. work that. let me see you drip sweat.
work that clit cum girl.

big deal

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 04:39:50 GMT

happy birthday to me in 3 hours

charlie fucking meyer

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 03:49:17 GMT

my boyfriend is better than yours.

im pretty sure that few would notice

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 18:12:52 GMT

the past 3 days have been horrible. i've been pretty sick and run down. its all my own fault though. i have slept only 3 hours in the past 3 days and all i have eaten is two bowls of cereal. i feel pretty damn worn out. seriously after last nights breakdown im staying away from drugs. its not worth it. and its not worth losing you over.

there is one good thing that happened this week and that is I GOT A BOYFRIEND. yes finally i have one again. and he is the most wonderful thing ever. <33

birthday countdown: 6 days

its my party and i'll dance if i want to

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 21:38:39 GMT

my birthday is in 13 days.

whos throwing me a party?

this is so true.

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 07:27:56 GMT

The Peach
Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMf)

Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach.

For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you're surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don't get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it.

Your exact opposite:
The Nymph

Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer

You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you're becoming more selective about long-term love. It's getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a guy who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying him.

Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense.

DREAD: The False Messiah

CONSIDER: The Loverboy, The Playboy, or The Boy Next Door

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: XtheDollfaceX

closer

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 05:28:43 GMT

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!
Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.
You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.

You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable
Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life
By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.

Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.
Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.
No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

i wish i could confess everything

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 06:21:44 GMT

first day of work and i want to cry because my feet hurt bad. haha. im such a sissy.

but i got a 30 min break to spend with charlie so that was good.

but then charlie.......bad. very bad. its getting worse and harder to deal with and im pretty sure im freaking him out. im the worst person to be friends with . if you consider me a friend right now just stop.
seriously its so fucking lame. WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN? same fucking situation with EVERY guy.

i wish i just didnt care about boyfriends.

and also....i wish i did do that coke that night. and every night to be honest.

fuck you if you want to judge me.

she was an american girl

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 04:29:00 GMT

oh yeah and i now have really blonde hair
AND most importantly.....

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thats right. forever 21 employee right here.

paycheck soon?

oh and.......

im getting my own apartment before january. celebrate with me?

you are the smell before rain. you are the blood in my veins.

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 04:27:09 GMT

i have NEVER seen anyone in my LIFE look as beautiful/hot/gorgeous/sexy/stunning as you looked today in that moment. especially not during a moment of intimacy! seriously everyday i look at you and smile because you are the most beautiful human i have ever layed eyes on. you are amazing inside and out. i love the way you hold my hand and the way you make me laugh and the way you dance in the car.

will you please just fall in love with me already?

hold me closer tony danza

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 11:26:44 GMT

tonight i watched boys dont cry and almost famous. both made me want to cry. so when he left i did. then i said something that i might regret. but as much as i dont want to do it i have to.

i dont know if im getting smarter or just making a huge mistake based on past relationships. i cant push everyone away forever.

"i thought you were really attractive in highschool"

that really is so flattering coming from you.

god whatever

cant you come back

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 06:22:20 GMT

if youve never been mine
then i cant be losing you

dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 23:30:51 GMT

yeah so um im really stupid.
i dont know why i keep getting my hopes up.
every relationship will keep turning out the same. its pointless.
i am so sick of caring about people.

um in case you havent lead me on this year you better jump on the bandwagon

youve got the most beautiful blue eyes ive ever seen

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 18:21:08 GMT

so that four letter word that once destroyed me and broke my heart into a million pieces isnt sounding so bad right now. <33

im scared because my heart is practically in your hands now and i dont want you to crush it. be gentle,please. i know you will.

youre amazing

constantine

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 09:11:54 GMT

charlie doesnt understand this website. lee writes very wierd things in yearbooks.

i miss joey and think he is the luckiest guys ever for getting to see celebrities in gyms. i am moving to LA as soon as possible

end.

i got hos in different area codes

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 00:34:51 GMT

3 flat tires in 24 hours. amazing.

on the bright side i got to babysit my niece and nephew today for a couple hours and i have missed them so much. cutest kids ever.

i hate dora the explorer. its all my roomates daughter watches. so annoying.

so last night i only had one mixed drink and one shot of vodka. completely passed out within an hour of being at the party. charlie drove me home and walked me to the door. as soon as i got inside i ran to the bathroom to puke all over the floor and my pants. then i passed out with no pants on and my glasses still on. then wake up at 9 am to run to the bathroom and puke more. i layed on the bathroom floor for about 4 hours throwing up. it was horrible.

so now i want to watch a cute movie with umm.....you know who.

youre a loser

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 21:31:26 GMT

wow i guess i was unaware we were still in highschool.

p.s. if youre going to use me just say so dont pretend to care about me. its annoying.

p.p.s. you amaze me more and more everyday. you are so fucking gorgeous. i cant say it enough! those eyes.........